I have moved.

I will no longer be using Blogger, I have moved on to Wordpress.


Sorry.

Sam

You Don't Know What You Got...Until You Remember That You Had It

Jesus Christo, it has been quite some time since I have written a blog post so here it is. Fanboys rejoice, haters, you do what you are good at. So I am determined to work in Brazil (or Brasil, as the cool kids put it) and or Australia. I think I will set up a Fundme account so that you poor suckers can help me get my ass over there. Other than my insatiable appetite to visit somewhere other than inside the US nothing has really happened except for my life falling apart. Well, not really, but kind of.

So good ol' Cheyenne is falling apart. She is almost as old as me and she has had a good run. Maybe I should have treated her better, maybe it is my fault she is going down the poop chute. Prepare yourself for an itemized list of the problems.

1. Radiator needs to be cleaned and flushed out. That crap smells rancid. I can only imagine the smell is what a woman of the night's nether regions smells like after a 12 hour romp.
2. Passenger door is misaligned. It is hard to open, from either side. Expect to gain some muscles working that door.
3. Passenger signal light will not stop being a Jonas brother and burning up. It is like my signal socket eats lights (still a better movie concept than The Darkest Hour)
4. My grandmother does not know how to argue. Yeah I know this is not apart of the truck problems but it needs to be addressed. She is the kind of person that will not lose. If she is wrong (which is all the time) she will do one of two things. She will fight to the death of her viewpoint or she will switch up her argument until it is essentially what you are arguing and then she will argue at you when you call her out on it. All I am saying is that somebody needs to take a culf class. 
5. Driver door does not open from the inside. That being said, I hope I do not drive into lakes because boom, DEAD. I have to ghetto open the door and roll the window all the way down and open the door from the outside. So, I can get in and out of the truck Dukes of Hazzard style or the way previously stated. Dude, what the hell?!!?

  On a good note, I have begun to exercise more. Everyday I work, is the day I work out. (eh eh eh, see what I did there.) I have also begun to eat better. I mean my eating habits were never bad it is just that I have bad influences and I have cut them out of my life. Oh and on that subject, I do not share food. If I join you or you join me out to eat, I will offer you some of my food. You should not ask to try my food. If you wanted it then you should have ordered it. If I am not offerin, you ain't gettin.

I am also trying to find a banner and shirts and discs for the Congressmen Ultimate. This will be for recruiting and fundraising purposes. If I get enough money from the school, I can make these shirts dope, but if not, then they are going to have to be on a plain white shirt.

For some reason, I identify with a bear. If this was Mortal Kombat my animality would be a bear. Or if this was Bloody Roar my zoanthrope animal would be a bear. I would kick ass being a bear, doing bear shit with all my other hoodrat bear friends.

I will also be posting an application for interested candidates who would like to be my sugar mama or if the demand is high enough, sugar daddy. Stay tuned. 

Puberty in College

It is funny and ironic and sad to watch everything around you change. It is like an Alanis Morissette except not in a horrible accent and very clearly articulated. Sometimes I think all I hear coming out of my mouth is 'blah blah blah I'm a dirty tramp'. But I am not. I wish I was but I can't pull off the high skirts and big tits. I just don't have the spine for it.

I am making friends with the volleyball girls one by one. It is like they are slowly succumbing to a zombie virus. The virus being me. I am also in the mood of depression, well I used to be. Intermediate Accounting is kicking my ass. It tears my heart out of my chest with athlete's foot infected hands, and throws it on the floor. Then it chops it up with the Blendtec blender as if it were making guacamole on Sunday gameday. Then it throws my decimated blood pumper into fire....started with tears and shame and lighter fluid and a hint of that horrible smelling Axe body spray. Then it gently plucks my heart paste out of the ashes and throws it out of the window in I-35 next to the downtown exit. Needless to say it is making me consider changing my major. It is mostly the teacher's fault. I do not like that nincompoop one bit. Sometimes I want to rip his jaw out through his poop chute. I have no idea where all this creativity is coming from but I like it. And I am not this violent but there is so much bad stuff that has happened to me already that shit needs to turn real good real quick,*ghetto girl Z-snap*.

One thing that is good is the actual class make up for Accounting. I have my friend Magie which is fucking awesome and who is fucking awesome. Then there are some people that are in there that are just funny. There is somebody that I would like to get to know more, Jasmine. Hopefully we will do ice cream soon. I am looking forward to it. On another good note, we, meaning my team and I, have won our intramural volleyball game. It was an intense match. Probably one of the most fun matches I have ever played. I am looking forward to the game we have on Sunday at 9 (shameless plug) because it is against the Pirates. It should be fun also.

There was some other shit I was going to tell you but I have forgotten it. Beep boop bop. Oh I finally can get songs off of youtube again. Thank you for updates. I have discovered all these songs and shows recently and it is sad because I barely have time to enjoy all of them. But actually that last sentence was a lie. I have been doing all those. Sorry, my b for lying. You know, I think I should write a book. I doubt anybody would read it but it sure as hell would be funny and awkward. Hopefully, it be made into a movie, and I will not even care what kind of movie, the big screen, straight to dvd, hell, I will even do a Lifetime movie. I ain't got no shame. I just wants da monies. I just want da dolla dolla bills trick.

I kind of wish I could keep up with my life postings so that you, my audience, could know what crazy and over hyperbolized things that I say about my life which is quite boring. I will get back to doing stuff that I am probably not supposed to be doing. Alright, later.

California

So much has happened since the last time I spit some fresh words your way. So much I am blanking on it. So, while I collect my thoughts please enjoy this music. Now that I have had time to think I shall begin.

ON the plane to California I sat next to this guy and across from the aisle, on the window side sat another guy. Plain and simple right? Well, on my layover flight from LAX to SFO those same two guys were in the plane. Crazy how we got the same plane and we sat in the same row. I think it was some sort of Final Destination sign that says that we escaped death. Which reminds me, there is a new Final Destination movie. Trailer here. Watching those movies always makes me uncontrollably shaky. I have no idea why. It is like I developed a serious case of Parkinson's Disease for the hour and 30 minutes that the movie is. I am shaking, trying to keep my nerves and not look like a scared little bitch but when some pops up, hot damn am I in the air like Baby, I was born that way.

OH shit, yeah. I went to one of the many Redwood Forests here in Cali, and was it what I wanted. I loved feeling so small with the giant ass trees. So much so that I actually bought a giant Sequoia that I am going to plant on the campus of Steds. Boom chaka laka. Oh and I got to go to Stockton and visit the University of Pacific. Holy shit is that a nice ass campus or what. I will literally transfer there just for the scenery.

I played tennis for three hours and that was fun. And then I went to San Jose. And to Albany, and tickled Berkley. To Marin County I went and blazed past Oakland. I am going to go to Santa Cruz and Carmel next but before that I shall see Harry Potter 7 AHHHAHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHHH. excited. I think I want to abandon life and live here for a good 3 months but move back to Texas. Ya know you got me runnin back for more babe. Good ol' Texas. It is also hard to free ball here because it is not your average temperatures for summer. Try highs of 70s. That is not even a high. I call that air conditioning where I come from. I have yet to use my fancy clothes but I shall do that. So look at my album and get a taste of what I did. Until next time my hardcore fans. Later.

What What

So this is the first post I have done as a 'in-a-relationship man', you know what...its counterpart sounds way better. Anyways, I have met somebody. A girl. And she likes me. Is there any more I could ask for? YEAH, A SHIT TON MORE I CAN ASK FOR, but I am a humble man so I will shorten my list to 3 things.

1. waterproof, shockproof, freezeproof camera
2. Mini Cooper Countryman
3. more money so I can buy items 1&2 over and over again.

Oh hey, big whoops for me for finally getting that damn elusive iPhone 4 in white. Next subject, I have been asking these life questions on Facebook lately. I kind of like it. Oh and I need to start working out more. Plus I need more shoes. You know what I realized that I am just saying random things with no connection betwixt them. My English teachers would be furious. But hey, this is my style of writing. If someone can write in all lower case letters then damn it I can write whatever the hell I want.

Kathy Griffin is coming on today. Sadly I am going to miss it. I am at work and so yup. I am totes excited though because I am going to go to Aussie's tonight and play some sand volleyball. I look forward to that every week. Really, like come Monday I am like, is it Wednesday yet? And I also need to get a new tennis racket. While we are on the subject of that I am getting good at tennis for only being a beginner. I mean I am biased but whatever, people can be racist and so I can be biased. Isn't that how the world works. I really wish I had legos. I want to build a dinosaur and the suv from Jurassic Park. I would like to recreate the whole T-Rex vs. SUV scene. And I realized that I keep pushing buttons with my face on my iPhone. Why does this mug have to be so beautiful and yet so disobedient? I found out that one of my non-relative relatives is coming to escuela con migo. I am actually going to meet up with him tomorrow. I like how I have a set week. Monday Tuesday, my house. Wednesday-Saturday, with my gf Erica. And Sunday is back at my house. I could have just put that in the beginning of the sentence but that would take away the suspense of where you think I am on Sunday. I saw you reading it. Palms sweaty, heart racing, waiting, silently, yearning for the answer of my location on Sunday. I saw it in your face holes.

I really should keep on top of this blog. Sand volleyball is great. I think I am doing better at setting. I am excited to see it on the court where I can move faster and actually spike. Damn 8 foot tall nets, shit. I think that is enough ranting and raving and r....r....r....recycling? I don't know. Later. Oh shit. I forgot to tell you I will give you some random pictures soon. And by soon I mean next post. Ok now I am leaving. Later.

Guess What Time It Is

Yup, it is I, Sam, and I have decided to blog. I know crazy right? Well it is the 25th of April and it is hella hot in my room. I just took a shower and now I am drying off au natural. I have decided that I would like to stretch my scrotum. But I have also decided that will not be a good idea. When I lay down and fart, it hums by my testicles. It is quite lovely but I digress. I don't know what I want to do. But I have options. I want to start training for a triathlon. That is what I want to do. I also want to work at the RCC but I don't know if that would work out because I am going to take a class in the summer and hours will need to be changed. I do want to make this the summer where I am employed at Best Buy. I have been wanting to work there but they do not see my passion. I need to show them, nay, I will show them. I wonder if REI will sponsor me if I do a triathlon. Gosh, baby oil makes you skin so smooth. I still don't have pictures that I said I would but now it has been so long that I don't remember what I was going to upload. So a picture of the Jack in the Box man will have to suffice. This week is going to suck. Finals are rearing their ugly heads and paper and paper and paper ( p.s. Attach Ss at the end of paper). I hate that I make a whole bunch of friends at the end of the semester. It happens all the time. Whatevs, at least it happens. I need to invest in a fan or you know a tornado. Whichever one is cheaper and eco-friendly. Later fools

A While

I am feel weird. It is like a tsunami of apathy washed over me. I do not know where it came from but it is has already done damage. I wish I could better analyze myself. I do not know why I think the way I do. Sometimes I know, most of the time I do not. I try my best but sometimes my best is not enough. I feel like this feeling is brought about because of the anniversary of my birth. It will two decades ago from Saturday. I think it is because I feel like a failure. Thing I want to do still have not been able to find time. Life is just rushing by each second at a time. Each second I am growing wiser, each second I am getting closer to death, each second I can not gain back (See, I do not know where this is coming from). A happy point in my life is Lily Allen. I have fallen in love with her. I have also enjoyed the time when Courtney was here. Honestly, when she left, I felt like something inside of me left with her. Maybe it is an infatuation but maybe it is more. I do not know. Something left me and I know I cannot get it back. I have had this feeling before. Once, when I left my family in California when I visited them long ago and another time when summer came about freshman year and it was time for Jordan and I to depart ways to go back home. I need to be by water. Just like Dinah from the Red Tent. I honestly feel good when I am in water. I am a Pisces so water is natural to me. I also know that people who like water are very complex. Psh, me in a nut shell. Also, a contradiction. My feeling are all over the place but maybe that is where they need to be. I know everything happens for a reason but that reason eludes me all the time. I go with the flow without know where the current is taking me. I lift my head up to take a peek but once I prepare for the future, boom, waterfall. I am having a heck of time finding somebody to love, hell, even like. I wish my sexual disposition was not so varied when it came towards women. Blah blah, who cares right? I had a dream in which I have to explain in a vlog. It will be a high point in the post and not a debbie downer. I always wonder what will happen if one day I am gone from this life. Who will come to my services, who will cry, who will even think "Rest in Peace, Sam"? I am not saying this as a suicide, FAR FROM IT. I like challenges way to much to take myself out of the game. But it crosses my mind. Mostly in dreams. I heard that when you die in a dream, you die in real life. I cannot say if this is true because I have not died in any of my dreams. Others have but not me. I told you I am a fighter. I know what I need. A good dose of I Survived. That show is the shit and I will love it till the day of judgment and then, I will still love the fuck out of it. And I know that was a comma splice but I do not care. It is my style. It is there to add emphasis. That is why I hate writing for other people. You think I can't write but I think you have no creativity. Classic Art vs. Academics. I am not going to lie this time. I will post pictures of funny and cool shit I like next post. Pinky Promise. Anyway Later.